automatonrevolution

Its been moods swings aplenty this week. More than usual, anyway. With all the other stuff thats going on in my life, especially that big, scary life thing thats ive told some of you about, the last thing I was needing is for me to realise that another flippin year has managed to grind by, and that this time next week ill be 31. Grrr.

So, typically, my brain is doing its usual and reminding me that im still single (and then going into detail about all the issues Ive got that contribute to that), that im not getting any younger and all the other stuff I wanted to have done or seen. Therefore my mood has been bouncing around a bit. It doesnt seem as bad as last year…last year was one of the “big” numbers and I was NOT happy about it…but still….

Still feels like a clock.

Thing is, some things this year have gone quite well. Sure, the last month or so has be very much a WTF???? and thats not going to change for a some time…and sure this year marked another relationship that didnt work out (that was kinda a WTF too, tbh), but theres been some good times and I acheived a few things. I got a story published on a website and I got some steam on to actually start some other writing projects (just need to finish them now), Ive had lots of good times with friends…some stuff has been pretty decent, all told. It even turns out that im loving having a car and really enjoying driving it, even though the reason for buying was more neccessity than “i want to”. i also bought one of Adam’s paintings, an amazing piece called “Crowd of One” that I think is just brilliant, so simple and so evocative.

This next year is going to be hard. Big scary life stuff is happening and is going to continue for a long time yet. I just hope that everything turns out all right in the end, and that when the dust has settled everything and everyone will be okay again.

Then maybe Ill do something about that clock.

Warning, if dental stuff makes you oogy then you might not want to read further. Its not graphic as such, but still….

Those of you who have long memories concerning this blog will remember that roughly a year or so ago I had to have my top left wisdom tooth removed, because it was falling apart and doing so in a spectacularly painful way. At the time I counted my blessings that it was a top one rather than a bottom one, since its apparently the bottom ones that are the cause of most “horror” stories concerning wisdom tooth extractions. I got home, watched a very good episode of Dr Who (called “Blink”) and generally felt rubbish for a couple of days. After that I tried to be more careful with my teeth, brushing 3 times a day (even  having a toothbrush and paste at work so I could brush after lunch) and using mouthwashes and so on.

Despite all this, I was scunnered yet again by my own mouth. It gets me into trouble a lot….

I have whats been described as a small compact mouth and jaw set (and a large and  very active tongue, fnar fnar). This is putting it mildly. To say it is tightly put together would be understating it. Theres not a lot of room in there. The tongue feels a little cramped and wishes it could upgrade to a condo (wtf am i talking about?). Point is that this has meant theres not much room for my wisdom teeth, which have been variably grinding against my jaw since they came in, and even their arrival was an uncomfortable experience because the gums didnt recede properly.

So earlier in the week im brushing my teeth with my funky doodie electric toothbrush. I move it to the aquward spot behind my top right wisdom tooth (behind the sharp bit that kept bothering my cheek) and theres this crunching noise…and I have a mouthful of blood and bits of tooth.

Oh Dear, i said to myself calmly…(actually i went “AAAAAAAAGH Mother&%$^#&&#$*#**!!!!!!!!!!). This occasioned a trip to the Emergency Dentist that I wont bore you with, but it meant two days off work, the first of which was spent in a case of mild (hah!) concern, since I wasnt actually in pain…the second of which was spend first being bloody terrified and then feeling very poo, with a numb mouth and a hole where the remains of my tooth used to be. I hate needles. i hate injections, and I hate stupid questions like “Im prodding your tooth with a very sharp instrument, please tell me if you feel anything.”

I mean…if shes prodding my tooth with something sharp…shes going to KNOW if I feel something…not a lot of grey area in that one….

And the worst part of it was that your not allowed any alcohol for a few days after an extraction. I really could have done with a calming beer on tuesday…or even a wee dram…but nooooooooo, not allowed. Not allowed hot or cold stuff either, so ice-cream was out too. Thats just rubbish that is.

Why are they called Wisdom teeth anyway? Theyre so far back in your mouth that you dont actually use them for anything (according to the dentist), their usually too big, grow funny and tend to be a total pain until they get removed, and if theyre the bottom ones theyre a total pain to GET removed too.

Stupid things.

I’ve been watching a lot of Dr Who recently…the older stuff, the origional stuff. Jon Pertwee and Peter Davidson and Tom Baker etc. And ive come to the conclusion that the new series has a bit of a problem. Its too much of everything…its too “in your face”…too much razzle-dazzle. Now, some of this is due to the change from a serial based show to single episodes. The available time is shorter and therefore theres less space to put plot and characterization. So to cover over the more paper thin elements they have to layer it with fast paced action scenes and lots of music. Most of the time this is fine and can still produce some amazing episodes, such as the one with the Weeping Angels…but when they do a 2 part episode the lack of depth in most of the single episode stories is shown for what it is.

The overuse of music is a big problem for me. if you go watch the earlier stuff the music was pretty understated most of the time. Sure, thered be the occasional score that sounded as if the BBC Philharmonics Workshop had made some new sounds that they didnt know what else to do with…but most of the time the music was there to undercurrent what was happening, not cover up cracks in the story. Dont get me wrong, I like the new series of Dr Who, but in many ways its not a patch on the older stuff. The stories are generally thinner, the characters more comedic or stereotypical, theres less room for thought or to explore the Doctor’s attitudes. The special effects are better, and the sets dont wobble so much, but still….

I really dont think it would hurt for Russel T Fanboy to go back and rewatch the older stuff…and see just how good it is.

I’ve had enough. Officially. It hasn’t even happened yet and im already sick of it. Im already grinding my teeth and finding excuses to leave conversations at work.

Valentine’s Day is coming.

I know its coming because its been impossible to avoid for the last two weeks…like the buildup to Christmas, only without something fun at the end of it. I hate it. Detest. Despise. Loath. Abhor. Revile.

This is a day which is designed to do two things, in my view. First, its designed to make us single people feel more lonely and miserable than we already do…and second, its to sell lots of overpriced cards and chocolates and flowers to people that should know better. When your with someone, have someone that you love…you don’t need a Hallmark approved day to show that person that they’re special to you. Every day is special. Romance because its the thing to do on that day doesnt seem right to me…the chocolates, the cards, the flowers, the dinner…theyre all much more meaningful when you do them just because you love your partner…not because its Valentine’s Day.

Ah, you say….but your just bitter.

Yup. Damn straight. Last time I got anything for Valentine’s Day i was in my OLD flat. As far as im concerned its just a highly unwelcome reminder of my single status. Im already lonely. I dont need a Hallmark approved day to drive the point home.

If it was just the day itself Id manage. Id do the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and humming loadly until it went away, but its not just the one day. Its been forced down my throat, as I said, for the last two bloody weeks. Every shop is full of special offers and fancy displays about it, the newspaper on the bus mentions it every second page. Thanks for rubbing it in.

So yeah, im moaning and complaining. Cheese with this Whine? Yes please. Because I’m sick of having to put on a brave face. Valentine’s day makes me feel like something unrepeatable. So this is my BAH HUMBUG! moment, okay?

Well, this year started off with some unexpected, and wonderful, news…my short story, “Memories” has been nominated for a “Preditors and Editors” online award. Now frankly I’m over the moon that something I’ve written has even gotten published, and I’m gobsmacked that the response to the story has been so good…one of the biggest kicks I get out of writing is in knowing that people have enjoyed what I’ve written…so to learn that its also been nominated for this award has pretty much bowled me over.

So, in the best tradition of shameless plugs, I’m going to point whoever stumbles across this blog towards http://digitalisobscura.com/ , where you can find “Memories” (and frankly you should go there anyway because the site is full of interesting articles, stories and poetry)…and if you like the story can I shamelessly ask that you go to http://www.critters.org/predpoll/ and maybe vote for my story?

Fingers crossed

One of my stories, called “Memories” has been published on http://digitalisobscura.com/

This is the first story I’ve ever had published, anywhere. I hope its not the last.

Heres the deal

01. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
02. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
03. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And so on and so on and so on…

And heres the questions that Kai asked me.

>1) What’s your happiest memory of last year?
I have very few happy memories from last year. Even so, of the ones that I have there are a few that stick out so strongly that its hard for me to pick one. So, in all honesty, the memory of when I was happiest would either be that afternoon when we sat out on the grass by your (Kai’s) flat, reading books and watching Tommy draw chalk pictures on the pavement…OR…the holiday I had with Patrick and Liz up at Tomich in the Highlands, which was the first time I’d been able to be relaxed and relativly carefree in months.

2)How’s the story going? y’know the one you poked me about a couple of weeks ago.
Slowly, like most of my stories :P. I’m having trouble getting the “Edinburgh” to feel right within the framework of the story. The stuff you linked to has been very useful though. Its changed my origional concept a fair amount too. Which is probably a good thing.

3) If you could write one book, KNOWING it would be accepted, what would it be?
I have an idea for a book concerning the insane god Nyarlathotep, from the Cthulhu Mythos. I’d love to write that one, but its pretty ambitious and I’d like to become a better writer before tackling that one.

4) What would you rather be - an award winning book writer, with all the fuss and success that comes with it, or an anonymous award winning book writer?
I’d prefer to be an anonymous award winning book writer..provided it made me enough money that I would be able to concentate on actually writing more or less full time. I mean…I need to pay for my World of Warcraft subscription “somehow”

5)B5 game?
The B5 game is pretty much on permenant hiatus. I just havent a clue how to run it over an email system…my head just isnt geared for that kind of GMing. One day I’ll be able to ressurect it, but I have to apologise and say, “not yet”. I’m sorry.

If you haven’t seen the last episode of this season of Dr Who, look away now.

No, really….

Look away now. Because I’m going to talk about it, and there will be spoilers.

I’m not kidding.

Still here?

Okay, first of all, I really enjoyed it. While I didn’t think it was as good as the one previously, and certainly not as good as “The Weeping Angels”, it was still a good episode. it was nice to see Martha doing more than just tag along, and it had some nice special effects too. I thought the teeny tiny OLD Doctor was done pretty well, and it managed to look a bit like David Tennant. Some people will probably not like the idea that the Doctor could become uper-powerful just because everyone in the world was thinking about him and transmitting through a telepathic satellite network, but I reckon its a pretty neat idea, because it links to something that the Doctor himself always maintains about Humanity. That humanity is capable of achieving amazing things when we work together in a common goal, and theres also the power of ideas in there as well. It reminds me of the old question of what would happen if everyone in the world jumped at the same time.
And…it reinforces something that the new series of Dr Who has made pretty clear. Time Lords are NOT just aliens with two hearts, fancy tech and a tendency to regenerate. They are much more than that, and when you take that into account, the idea that the Doctor can tap into the power of billions of people focusing on one thought isnt so far fetched. Hes the Doctor.

My biggest niggle with the episode is the big fat reset they did. They pushed the Earth forward a year, making massive changes to the human race, the world, and the available tech level, and then they reset it all at the end of the episode. It makes a certain sense, that the entire set of events were happening as a gigantic paradox, that was only able to exist because of the Tardis/Paradox Engine, and that without that engine it all reset itself…but….I would really have liked to see the sorts of stories they could have written with this new, devastated Earth. I know they wouldnt do it, they rely a lot on linking their stories in with current events, reaching out to a wider demographic than us hardened sci-fi fans, but I still feel its a missed opportunity.

I REALLY like the revelation about Jack. It makes more and more sense the more I think about it. And I really liked that they are addressing what happens if you can’t die but can still get older.

But now….what the hell was up with the two blatant movie referances? The burial pyre? Can anyone say Return of The Jedi?
The Flash Gordon one is more interesting, but still a bit cheesy. because I can think of two possibilities. One, the Master isnt actually dead and it was him who picked up the ring (Earlier incarnations of the Master have had long fingernails and a dodgly chuckle. Not to mention the Goatee of Evil). Two. It was the Rani. Remember her? She aint dead, as far as we know…

It shall be interesting to find out

So…two eyebrow raising things today…

First of all, if you hadn’t noticed, Tony Blair has finally left Downing Street. Toodle-pip, so-long, you won’t be missed. The decietful, lying, spin-obsessed, evangelical, self-righteous little git has finally left. Now, thats not the thing that got my first eyebrow wiggle…its the news that hes quitting as an MP altogether to become…

…a Middle East Peace Envoy!!!!
Can you imagine? One of the prime architects of an ongoing Middle-Eastern war thats cost tens of thousands, if not more, lives and given ammunition to the recruiting campaigns of Fundamentalist Terrorists, is going to be going over to the Middle East as a spokesman for peace. Doesnt the hypocrisy stick in his craw even a little? it beggars belief, it really does. Its like sending Sauron the Deciever to Gondor to ask them to quit sniping at Rohan.
“Hi, Im Tony the Cyber Controller. My Cyberman army and I thought it would be jolly nice if you Time Lords could leave the Daleks alone for a bit”

Sheesh.

Eyebrow raising point number two is the news that the US Senate has Subpeona’d The White House. Apparently they reckon that Bush has no valid reason NOT to hand over details of his contraversial spying programe aimed at the American people. he has, it seems, until July 18 the hand the documents over, and the Senate seems unimpressed by his “but we’re at war, i can do what i like” argument. Going to be interesting to see how that plays out….

…or “Two injections and a wisdom tooth later”.

So, it all started on Friday lunchtime. I’d had my lunch. and then my top left wisdom tooth started to hurt. Not hurt as in “slightly sore”…hurt is in “Pass the painkillers NOW!!!!”. it was very unpleasant. Now, my wisdom teeth have been know to shift slightly in my head now and then, quite uncomfortably, since they first grew in, something to do with the way my gums didnt recede properly, so I resolved to wait till the next day to see if it would go away. I do, after all, have an appointment with my dentist soon anyway, so I figured I could let it subside and then mention it to the dentist.
Of course, it didn’t subside.
So on Saturday morning, when I was still in horrible unable-to-eat-anything pain, and had already cancelled two possible social things for the day, I steeled myself and called the emergency dentist. Fair play to them, they must be busy as all hell with the distinct lack of dentists in Edinburgh that are taking on new patients, and they asked all the right relevant questions like “Are you in pain after taking painkillers” (answer being YEEEEEESSSS!!!), and they got me an appointment for eight pm that same evening.
When I got there I was told the tooth had to come out, which i was sort of prepared for in a “im flippin terrified of dentists” kind of way…what I wasn’t prepared for was the why. The tooth wasnt shifting…it was barely there. It had disintigrated and was mostly just root. It had literaly collapsed. No option really…remove it….
Ick.
So…now theres an odd gap where my tooth used to be, which Im still uncomfortably aware of, and I spent most of Saturday night with a numb mouth wishing I could have a beer but knowing I couldn’t…hard to drink beer with a numb mouth (then theres all the serious medical reasons why you cant drink alcohol so soon after an anesthetic).
At least I had a really good episode of Dr Who to watch. it was a stormer, really good story, really good concept, well told…I loved it.