automatonrevolution

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of THAT day…(if you don’t know what I’m talking about….”Hello, welcome to Earth. How’s the weather on planet Zog?”)..and I’ve been doing a bit of thinking…about what happened…and the coincidences involved…and about life and growing up and so on.

On Sept 11th 2001, I was at a funeral. We were paying our respects to my Uncle Neil, and I was going through an internal litany of thoughts and emotions while trying to appear strong for my Mum for various reasons…and in the “reception” afterwards, when everyone was sitting around chatting and raising a glass in that melancholy way of remembrance and sorting through our collective thoughts and memories, when my sister Ellie came through to say that someone had just crashed a plane into the World Trade Centre.
At that point it didnt really register. We thought she meant a small plane, like a private jet or something..and we had our minds, understandably elsewhere. Even when everyone started the process of leaving, having said all we could think of to say to each other under such circumstances (I find funerals to be very odd affairs, theres an element of finallity in them that jars with me, because the person isnt really gone as long as we remember them…and the gatherings afterwards reinforce that, because the primary topic is our memories of the person), we passed by a television that was showing the news, and this was before the second plane hit, it didnt seem…well…important. Tragic, shocking, a sad event, but not the world changing event that it turned out to be.
That was the weirdest car journey I ever had. Driving home from a funeral, listening in growing shock and bewilderment as the story of the most horrific terrorist attack that I know of unfolded. Surreal…yuh-huh. It struck me then that ole George didnt seem up to the task…when he made his first speech about it he kept going on about finding the “folks” (his word) that did it. It seemed like he was out of his depth. Oh…and he was already trying to blame Iraq at that point. I remember that very well.

Anyway. Jump forward five years. To Monday the 4th. Another funeral. The coincidence is that it was Uncle Neil’s son, Paul. And let me just say that this guy was someone I have great respect for. In 1999 he was told he had to have a heart transplant or he’d die within weeks. He had the transplant. And he went on and made sure he had a full life, fathering a daughter and living every day to the full. He was a guy who said “get stuffed” to existence and turned a few weeks into six years.

Also, on 31 August, I turned 29. Woo. Hoo. And I know I’m not the same person as I was when I turned 28. Older…yes. Wiser…maybe. A lot has happened, I’ve learned a lot of things and re-affirmed some things and hopefully along the way I became a bit better at being me, and made me a bit better. And also I realised that I’m now a year closer to the stage where I don’t have to make up excuses about why I dont want to go on a Club 18-30 holiday. And thats something to be thankful for, I think.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about age..and growing up. Admittedly some of this has taken the form of pondering about Iron Maiden’s new album and the realisation that its not them that had gotten rubbish, it was my perception of them that hadn’t grown up quite as fast as their music had. They’re last album was still bad…(Dance of Death), but it wasnt terrible, and the new album is really good. Its because they’re sound has matured, taken on new intricacies and developed.

What am I trying to say? I guess what I’m saying is that things change, sometimes in big ways, very suddenly…and sometimes in little bits over long periods. But whether the big sudden thing is like a terrorist attack, or a “You have two weeks” conversation, and no matter how strange or hurtful some of those little changes are..Life Goes On. It sort of has to. Its how it works.
We won’t forget what happened on Sept 11th, 2001…and neither will I forget Uncle Neil, or my cousin Paul. Like the world did, I will absorb, reflect, hopefully understand…and develop. I’ll stumble along the way, the way the world does, but thats okay…because in doing so I learn something new…and thats always worthwhile.